Welcome to the Neighborhood

"Welcome to our community, come join our circle-jerk." —Big Dave

"Um, why are you calling me jerk? o_O Or am I misunderstanding you?" —Zeruel

The Essence of Antioch

"Yeah, but everyone is a dick here. They might be nice elsewhere but as soon as Antioch loads up, set phasers to dick." —taekwondogirl

In the forum thread of How Has Antioch Influenced Your Life:

"I've learned to hate. More. Oh, and I learned that I am going to be marked for life here... Let's see if anyone recalls." —Mordaedil

"Good to see we can still emotionally scar someone around here." —Stoker

"Pretty much nothing. We sit around and wait for another new idea to be crushed hopelessly." —ADemonicObject, in response to Warbringer87's query, "What's this site about?"

For Those Who Like it in the Ass

"It's 'ass.' How come everyone except Phoe and me thinks it was 'butt?'" - FalconWarrior


"You guys crack me up." - Dark T Zeratul

"Can't we talk about something besides this asstoundingly stupid topic?" - Sectoid Hunter

"Yeah, we should just drop this whole issue." - Tarun

Endarire's Attention Span

"Where can I DL TAC 1 & 2? I would like to know." - Endarire

"The Antioch Chronicles site maybe?" - PlasmaWrath

"If there is a God, he will delete this thread." - Magnum

"God is named typhoon." - Flyspeck



Never Say Die

I'm used to adversity. I'll deal with this like I have everything else.

A man is a person who falls down seven times and gets up eight. -Cannibal Jim

At the Ten-Year Reunion

I don't know about you, but I'd probably be trying to get into PG's pants the whole time. - GuessWho

Average Day in the Life of an Antiocher

"I only sit in front of the computer between 10-15 hours a day. My life consists of masturbating to pictures of night elves and screaming the name of random people I meet over the internet who claim to be girls. If I'm really lucky, I get to cyber with Diablo II players. And if I'm REALLY lucky, I get to cyber with Diablo II players using Sorceresses and Amazons and Assasins. It's hotter, because they sort of resemble women." - Codebreaker


"It's called a gangbang, and I really don't see what the big deal is if I can go first." - GuessWho

Nightmare on Brokeneck Mountain

"It's also a cool mountain builts on the corpses of the dead." - Mordaedil

"As opposed to what, the corpses of the living?" - Dark T Zeratul

"The corpses of the unliving. Sherpa shamen use Everest to harvest zombies for their evil plans." - MikeLemmer


"Blades should never have to get that close to your jugular." —MikeLemmer

"Yeah, or shaving genitals. That's a pain. Can't count how many times my current razor has slit a gash in my ballsack. Maybe I need a Fusion." —Codebreaker

Of Spiders and Men

"I would not marry Spiderman.

"While he is cute, I think his constantly running off to fight evil would be annoying.

"And he could so totally use it for nefarious purposes. 'Sorry, honey, I can't fix the garbage disposal right now... Spidey sense TINGLING!' And then he'd go down to the sports bar and laugh about it with his friends." —kate

"No, it'd be more like 'Sorry honey, I can't fix the garbage disposal right now because I'm the Goddamned Spider-Man and I could snap your fucking neck if you don't do it yourself.'

"Then I'd rape her." —Lucainan


"Miroku, there's a place for dumb asses, and it's called Campaign Creations." —typhoon

A Conversation For The Ages

"And, incidentally, Qjuad and I have met up. Last summer we went to the Plane of the Devas of Unbounded Glory, or the appamanasubha deva, but I was a medium third jhana and he was only a minor second, and so he got all self-conscious and started crying and left. Good food there, though." — Magnum

Open Minds At Their Finest

"I already called him gay, noob." —Flyspeck

He's On To Us

"well thank u all for your tips although all of them were more like insults" —mugakunta1

Generation Gap

"People born after 1989 make me feel old. I mean, you've only been masturbating for what? Two years?" —Lucainan

On knowledge

"Wow, mAc. You wield your ignorance like a demented truck-driver plowing through a playground." —CannibalJim

Old Habits Die Hard

Stoker: "Team Style rides again. Anyone else wish to join?"
Lucainan: "Sounds interesting. What's it all aboot?"
Flyspeck: "It's aboot Stoker and Dekar buttfucking."
Lucainan: "I'm in."


"I can't suck my own dick!!" —plain girl

"I'm hung like a dinosaur." —plain girl

"Ooh I want one" —plain girl (in regards to a USB love sleeve)

Mason Wheeler

"Only you would find another man's masturbation habits to be fascinating." —Palin

"Anyway, I hear that snorting rails off a male hooker's ass while masturbating and listening to Slayer is fun, and I'd like to hear a Mormon's perspective." —Codebreaker

Growing Pains

"My first earthquake!" —kate

"Our little kate has become a woman! It's special time in a girl's life when she experiences her first earthquake. Soon you'll notice a lot of new changes." —CannibalJim


"Of course it'll be tasteful. I mean, this is dine we're talking about." —Stoker

Famous Track Records

"Much like people resist pointing out that the sky is blue, people resist pointing out that you have failed to finish another project, Palin." —Blitz Zero

Beware Those Soggy Overlords

"Play with fire, Phigment, and you're going to get really wet." —Qjuad


"134 days until I can legally stuff plain girl." —GuessWho


"And I certainly don't bathe in the blood of a dismembered virgin every morning, that's for sure." —Razzy

"Oh no! Run Kojiro! Run! Before he gets you too!" —CannibalJim

The Eloquence of Antiochers

"omg Pheonix git to ur local sweedish radio shak & by a 10 uro MIkrophon so u can do anuther war3 comenatry kthx" —Magnum

"i alredy by mike! (gud 0ne!)
romy is laysee. i nag him, he says yes but then does sumthing else." —Phoenix

"wtf roumlus u hore" —Magnum

"Deam straitcuz hore is ann anctuaoal norwegiaan w0rd word k?" —Clodpool

"u ppl r all homoz" —Flyspeck

"yea, he is hore. he shud get a liffe rofl
flysepk: no u homo pwn" —Phoenix

"i m not teh homo u r. u r teh homofagz0r to max, i get u gud gg noob" —Flyspeck

"now y maje me mad! i com to ur house, thro gassoleen in there and then use zipo liter and burn u up! *kills teh flyspek* *wielelds sord around*" —Phoenix

Would it still win 11 Oscars?

"This is like watching the Titanic return safely from its maiden voyage and then suddenly, inexplicably, sink 100 yards from shore." —Razzy, on the return of Mason Wheeler, 27 March 2004

Commentary on Plain Girl's Technical Skills

"Plain Girl, master technician. 'Fucking piece of shit, work; HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO KICK YOU?!'" —Dekar, loosely paraphrased from plain girl's suggestions, 26 March 2004

Evolutionary success in a nutshell

"That's a pretty lame argument for it, really. We didn't reach the top of the food chain by adding preservatives and other chemicals to the meat we eat." —Freh

"No, we did it because we have opposable thumbs." —Qjuad


"I would die for Starcraft." —Flyspeck

A Study In Flying Dutchmen, Economies, and Culture

"yep, it sucks to be dutchmen." —Zerganus Blood

"On the bright side, though, at least you can fly." —Phigment

"If you got the money for it. And you all know that it is going bad with us." (the economy) —Zerganus Blood

"He's making fun of you y'know. Reference is to the "Flying Dutchman", a famous phantom of myth." —Sectoid Hunter

"And over here, children, is the multicultural wing of the Antioch museum. This first exhibit on your left is a Singaporean explaining an American joke to a Dutchman..." —Razzy

Zeus's way of wishing somebody a Merry Christmas

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

"We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wisher.

"By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher." —ZeusLegion

She's openly honest

"I'm doing it. Wee." —plain girl (lets everyone know what she's up to)


"Im sorry a3 is canceled" —Fake Auspex, TAC Forum

"I'm sorry. A3 is cancelled." —Real Auspex, TAC Forum (paraphrased)

Love is Beautiful

"(No, typh and I are not dating, though he does have a nice ass, and gives great head.)" —Skyler, 7 November 2003

"Yeah, I remember that time he was in heat and he'd do anything that would walk on 4 legs." —Stoker, on Kojiro Takenashi


Zeus: Palin's powers of observation are vaudevillian. Beware!
Flyspeck: Zeus, please get the sand out of your vagina.
Zeus: Flyspeck, please pour yourself a nice heapin' helpin' of Honey Bunches of Dick® and eat it all up.
Flyspeck: I've already had more than the RDA of dick today (thanks Phal).
phal: :D

"It also has an umlaut, not a tilde." —Lucid Iguana, 11 December 2003

"I don't know why the Beatles were the apex of non-suckitude. I mean, they're the Beatles. They suck the MOST." —kate

"I think you'd like the Beatles if you knew more about them. I know you like anime, so here are some obscure Beatles songs you might enjoy:

"Lost classics, all of them. Download a few and tell us what you think.

"(Incidentally, your mother is a Magical Mystery Whore.)" —typhoon

Gender Studies

"Well fuck me and call me Typh's Mom" —CannibalJim

"A blowjob is like masturbating while using someone one else's mouth, and doing none of the work." —GuessWho

Political Science

"Just give me your money. You'll only waste it anyways." —Palin

"Who knew that Palin was a Democrat?" —Mack Kilimaro

"Perhaps Iran needs nuclear weapons for self-defense? No. Iran already bullies the Middle East with its huge conventional army. No country threatens Iran. Since the eighth-century jihad and the Ottoman army at the gates of Vienna, the West has never been exposed to such threat. Iran" —Sheila from Israel

"Well I'm convinced. Send word to the king of Iran, we will meet in a fortnight on the sixth dune in the midday sun. The contest shall be of valour and integrity, and lo the winner shall ruleth over the east for all time. Where is my horse? Where is my sword? Bring me a goatsack and let it be filled with cheese for the journey ahead. I ride my friends, unto the desert planes and beyond, and you, you my friend, you shall ride with me." —Codebreaker


"Shit always comes in waves, especially with diarrhea." —ADemonicObject, in response to several unrelated incidents of Forum Drama, 12 November 2003

Truth in Advertising

"For the last time, I have the smallest penis!" —Lucainan, 18 July 2003

The Nature of Palin

"If you think molesting children is morally right, then hey, that's fine. The children probably won't agree with you, though."

"Don't you be dissing Osaka, bitch. She'll cut you. She'll cut you so hard, you'll say 'Hey, don't cut me so hard.'"

Technology and Society

"Torrent sites are like hydras. Cut one down, a dozen takes its place." —Phoenix, October 22, 2007

"I regularly beat the shit out of my electronic equipment. I'm like an abusive husband or something.



"Eh, fair enough. I was also referring to the maniacal laughter, but in any event she'll never succeed cause of Seaw...DAMNATION." —Stoker

Zeus's Secret Project

"Things are happening... very big things that will pave the way for Antioch Reborn. Today we have moved one step closer to making this happen. That is all. For now." —ZeusLegion

"Found a stray penny on the sidewalk, eh?" —Palin

"Palin, you insensitive jerk! I'll have you know that I donated that penny to Zeus!" —Dark T Zeratul, 17 November 2003

"Destiny beckons us forward as we have today taken another large step toward bringing about the rebirth of the new and improved Antioch Chronicles™ saga. Stay tuned." —ZeusLegion

"Nickel this time?" —Palin, 25 November 2003

"I actually work for a professional game company now, not my own outfit as before." —ZeusLegion

"Wouldn't it be funny if...it ended up that he managed to get a job as janitor at a game studio?" —Palin

"Seeing as there's even more exciting news beyond what I've hinted at, you are sorely and quite candidly outmatched." —ZeusLegion

"Janitor with chance of promotion to -head- janitor?" —Palin, 2 June 2004

In Rand McNally...

"So, I hear that in Sweden people wear hats on their feet and shoes on their heads. And that the cows are all issued bicycles by the government, to make them the equals of faster animals like cheetahs. Is that true?" —Phigment

"Yeah... Why? Is that weird?" —Phoenix

"Yeah, and there's also polar bears out in the street when I go to school." —Raistlin

"In Canada, we ride them. How about over there?" —CannibalJim


"By the way, Dine, just so you know, my IQ is 169. Thanks for playing." —mAc Chaos

"Mac, my penis is 7 inches long. Thanks for playing." —Skyler

Blitz's Hierarchy

(From highest to lowest)

-Warnings as to how this site may be hacked/destroyed
-Things Typh says
-Tech support for forumers' computers being eaten by spyware
-Things Spooky says
-Reappearance of forum members everyone likes
-Any of Luc's "Top X of..." posts
-Religion flamewars
-Visser's WOW posts that belong on the Arena
-Lambda's slash fics
-Kate's slash fics

Blitz Zero