Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Antioch
Not a lamer was stirring, not even Dino Doc,
The stockings were hanging beside the weapons rack,
In hopes that St. Nicholas this year would be back.
The VSPers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Canada danced in their heads,
And Seawolf and I played a nice Starcraft game,
With Zealots to order and Zerglings to maim…
When out in the snow came a loud booming noise,
We looked to the windows and saw the Disco Boys!
“Not again!” I exclaimed and grabbed my Warp Blades,
“Come on Zer, let’s make them wish that they’d never been made.”
The moon shown down on that snowy white place
But we couldn’t have guessed at the terror we’d face.
For no sooner had we slain the minions of Stoker,
Than a figure materialized: the evil Kurt Broker!
He was a powerful man, so evil and mean,
There were thousands of men whose deaths he’d overseen.
More rapid than eagles the Protoss Corsairs came,
I know not how he got them, but he called them by name:
“Now Lok’teth! Now Kuldras! Now Ulyoth and Hirex!
On, Mer’ton! On, Lothrin! On, Zeroth and Syrex!
Destroy WASTE HQ! Smash up that wall!
Now fly away! Fly away! Fly away all!”
And just like they did in our Starcraft game,
The ships all flew off and took careful aim,
So each of the turrets was soon Disruption Webbed,
We watched as the energy eddied and ebbed.
And then, we both laughed, we howled and hooped
Corsiars only attack air, so they just circled and swooped.
As we drew in our heads, and both turned around,
Towards us Kurt Broker came with a bound.
He was made out of nanites, from his head to his toe,
It was quite obvious, for his skin seemed to flow.
A large sniper rifle was strapped to his back,
And bullet belt trailed out of his backpack.
His eyes—how they glowed—the look was so scary!
They were the color of blood, red like a cherry!
His sinister mouth was drawn up in a sneer,
We took all this in, and then he was here.
A sturdy lead pipe he was swinging around,
Seawolf and I ducked and rolled over the ground.
It was just like the Saga we thought to ourselves
He must have been brought here by Crossover Elves!
He came up and hit me and then I went down,
Blood ran down my face from the gash in my crown.
The glare in his eye and the wound in my head
Told Seawolf that Broker was something to dread.
He fired his Gauss, and he launched a grenade,
He kicked Broker’s ass as he came to my aid,
He reached to his belt and grabbed his shock prod,
Pressed it to Broker and set it to “God.”
The Corsair pilots thanked us for breaking the spell,
He’d mind-controlled them and was giving them hell.
And we heard them exlaim, ere they flew out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”